The Darwin Awards 2009
TheGreatwhitehunter
11/9/09 10:56pm
The Darwin Awards 2009
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded
! cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is
a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us!!! They reproduce!!!***
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and
drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded
! cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is
a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us!!! They reproduce!!!***
826
Loafer
11/10/09 6:43am
=D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
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